I Never Understood The Importance of Relationships in Life Rituals Until I Got Married

I experienced peak love a week ago and am still riding high. Michelle and I got married at a beautiful oasis in the desert outside Los Angeles. We dressed in our fanciest attire and glowed arm in arm all weekend as we celebrated our nuptials. The most memorable moments were when we felt held in the loving words and emotions of our friends and families. As the days pass and I consider what we experienced, I am realizing how vital it is to celebrate rituals in community, with the people we love.

It’s easy for us to show up for a holiday or family tradition and go through the motions. Sometimes our families or friend groups are intent on avoiding the emotional depth of simply being alive and we lose the magic of our collective human potential. I’ve experienced plenty of gatherings when the holiday or celebration is overshadowed by logistics, small talk, intellectual sparring or a blaring TV. Sometimes our lives can pass for years this way, unaware of the constant delicacy that comes with our mere existence.

As we wrapped up the planning and logistics side of our wedding, Michelle and I realized that we were designing a ritual focused on our love, perhaps the biggest one we could ever host, and we wanted to ensure it felt connected, creative, communal and special to us.

During our Friday night welcome dinner we spent a good portion of the night enjoying roasts and toasts when our friends and family would step up to the microphone and speak directly to us, expressing their love and appreciation for who we were as individuals and as a couple. Despite the fact that the back yard of the home we rented for the occasion was packed, when someone was speaking it felt like it was only us and them, we were in a tunnel absorbing their words, they were ushering in our union with verbal blessings.

This feeling only intensified at our ceremony. One of our best friends officiated and our families and friends participated in giving blessings and walking us down the aisle. As we listened to our people bless our marriage and shared vows with each other, that tunnel expanded into a dome. Everyone in the ceremony was holding us up, holding our love in place and sanctifying our marriage. To look out and see the tears and smiles…